Improving Yourself


Admitting you are wrong


Some have no problem admitting being wrong, while others are not capable of this. It sounds easy, saying "I am wrong", but believe me, some will never say it. Things can be obvious to everyone and it can be proven, but giving in is not an option for those.

This will cause problems and ruin good communication. With this article I explain and I hope to improve this. Because this is a big problem. This can be the source of hostile arguments, aggression or worse.

Admitting you are wrong is not a sign of weakness as some think, but a sign of confidence or strength. If you know you are wrong, but not giving in, means you are afraid being weak. Afraid of being vulnerable. So not giving in, is not a strength. It is fear. The fear of looking weak.

By admitting you are wrong, I do not mean giving in because of pressure by others. The only right way to change your vision, is by facts or proof. Not by pressure.

Why is it such a problem for some?

With many men and a small amount of women, it is almost impossible to have a decent discussion. This is an ego thing. An ego means "I am always right, I cannot be wrong, I am perfect, I know everything, do not disagree with me and I am sitting on a throne."

This means, the ones who are not capable of admitting being wrong, because that is what it is, will be avoided for discussions, "because he or she is always right. It is never his or her fault. The problem is with someone else." That person will be marked as arrogant. Nobody wants to discus with someone who always thinks he or she is right. You cannot make progress in a discussion with "perfect persons." And even a plain conversation will get problematic most of the time. As soon as you get difference of opinion, tension will get into the conversation. Disagreeing is not the problem; but not giving in while you know he or she is wrong. I do not mean opinions, but facts. The world is round, not flat. Fact.

So what is an ego?

An ego does not believe in him or herself, but in a created self believe. He does not believe in the truth, but in what he is thinking. For instance "A man has to be tough." During the growing up, he was programmed like that. Most of the time it was dad.

After a while the boy is going to believe it, because dad says it and most other boys are like that. Because he has to be tough now, he cannot be weak. Giving in on that, is not possible anymore. It is his world now. It is what he believes in. And it is very personal.

Why some discussions are useless?

With some you cannot discus. They are always right. Whatever you say or whatever you proof, they never give in. Or they are starting to get aggressive or they start using non argumentative things, or they try to change the topic if they feel they cannot "win" it.

Many people are never going to admit they are wrong. "It is not possible I am wrong." It not about right and wrong anymore; it is about winning the discussion. It is about ego.

One day I started to realize things.

One day I was arguing with a man. He was not a bad person, but not capable of giving in. After a while I had him completely cornered with arguments. He started to stumble and said: "I don't know it anymore, but one thing I am sure of, you are wrong."

This was about the moment I started to realize that with some people you cannot have an open discussion. Because they are not open minded. They want to be right. Whatever it takes The subject is not important anymore. It gets personal. Saying you are wrong, means losing for an ego.

What to do with impossible discussions.

I have no problem with a discussion. But as soon as I realize I am having an impossible discussion, I end the discussion. Admitting being wrong is no problem for me. But I don't want to waste my time on an impossible discussion.

Because of that, I stay away from religious and political discussions. Those battles cannot be won. I have gotten over it to convince the other he or she is wrong.

With an open discussion you can make progress. Or I will learn something new, or the other can grow a little bit. Not coming to an agreement is also possible. You don't always have to agree. Every human is different.

Advantage of admitting being wrong.

If someone sees and admits he or she is thinking wrong, one can develop. You can learn better ways, correct errors or discover new things. It is a growing thing. Every time you say, "I was wrong", you have improved yourself. But only with facts and logic. Giving in on force is not the right way.

If one has a problem admitting mistakes, he or she cannot grow. Sticking to mistakes is not good. Once again it is an ego thing. It is a sign of insecurity. Admitting being wrong needs a certain amount of strength.

More problems with an ego.

An ego can't be a curious person. Because being curious means meeting errors in the way of thinking. An ego has a problem with that, because he or she thinks they are perfect and do not make mistakes. So by not being open minded, there is no change of getting dents in his or hers perfect world.

Do not limit yourself.

By not being capable of admitting you are wrong, further development is almost impossible. By saying "I am as I am" is the same. It is a defense system saying "don't try to change me, because I cannot handle this." Everybody can change. Fear is the only reason of not wanting to change.

If you have a problem admitting you are wrong, give it a try with a small and non personal thing. If you do not want to try a different kind of food, give it a try and if you like it, just say it. Then you will notice the world doesn't collapse.

If a little child says something proving you are wrong, admit it. This is part of good and open communication. Once again, admitting you are wrong, is not weakness, but strength. It is the start of growing. Don't keep mistakes in your life. Improve them.