Improving Yourself


Being dependable


If you want real good communication with others, you need to be dependable. I know, not many people are dependable these days. But it doesn't mean you should give up upon that by also not being undependable. Don't lower yourself to those levels.

It is not complicated to become dependable (again). You only have to change a few things in your mind.

Unfortunately being dependable has become a rare thing. Most people do not have anybody in their life who they can really trust. Some have parents they can fall back to. But most do not have even this option. In other words, most do not have anybody they can really trust and share all their deeper thoughts.

What happens if you can trust nobody?

Most, especially women and girls, are struggling with many issues. And because they cannot vent this to others, problem thoughts start piling up. Insecurity gets stronger. More loneliness feelings. Or alcohol or drugs comes in. Many friends does not mean dependable friends.

With men it is different.

Most men and older boys do not have this problem, because they don't open up at all. So they cannot be hurt. But believe me, they have issues. Because manhood "requires" not being vulnerable, they store everything inside. So even if they have a dependable friend, they don't open up. And "real men" don't talk about that stuff.

How is the situation?

If I say most do not have anybody dependable in their life, means most people are not dependable unfortunately. And it doesn't mean someone is not dependable towards you only, but that person is not dependable in general. You are dependable or not to everybody or to nobody. It is a state of mind. It is a choice.

Once undependable, always undependable.

If someone has proven not being dependable, it will not be only towards you, but to everybody. If someone talks behind your back, he / she will do it to anybody. It has nothing to do with you, but with the other persons attitude to life. You are dependable or not.

What does being dependable mean?

It is nice to hear gossip about others, but don't forget, it will be done to you if you are not around. Gossiping about friends and acquaintance is a wrong life attitude. It is cheap. So don't tell those people your or other people's secrets.

So being dependable means not talking behind someone's back. If someone has been caught steeling, then yes, you can talk about this. But you don't talk about the good people. Even if you don't know that person.

If you are dependable, means you respect other persons. You can disagree with someone, but still respect him or her. Judging what someone says and the person behind it, are two different things.

What if someone is not dependable?

Even if someone is not dependable towards you, like telling your secrets to others, you could decide not to lower yourself to his / her level. But it would be understandable if you would do the same. Kind of payback. "If you hurt me, I am hurting you too." "You asked for it." Not doing the same, would mean you are the bigger person. But you have to keep that person out of your life if possible.

Reason for not being dependable

Very often one thinks: "Why should I be dependable, if others aren't it to me." Probably this has started in the childhood. If parents are not dependable, like telling your secrets, making fun of you, you will start doing the same. If it is done to me, I am going to do it also. You have grown up with the wrong attitude to respecting others.

In other words, not being dependable is something you could have learned from your parents. If your parents are honest themselves and raised you with this attitude, you will have a problem with lying. If your parents are not dependable (to you), you can take over this attitude. But it is still wrong.

What if I am hurt by others?

Well, you could do two things. First, giving up on that and lower yourself to their level. So become independent also. This is the easiest way. Or second, don't lower yourself because of your experiences. Decide to keep your dignity. "I am staying dependable, no matter what." Think about this: Being dependable is a choice.

How to become dependable again

Decide to stop to talk behind other peoples back. Decide not to tell other people's secrets. This is not a very hard thing to do. You just have to turn this switch in your head and decide to become dependable. You are going to like yourself a lot more. But if you are surrounded by gossipers, they probably are not going to like your new attitude.

What will happen if you are dependable?

They will start to trust you (again). They will open up to you, because they feel comfortable with you. You can get much better contact with others, because the relationship deepens. Trust is a very fragile thing, because you are getting in touch with other peoples deeper emotions and problems. It makes them vulnerable. That is why you have to be really dependable, because you can do a lot of damage if you abuse this vulnerability.

In other words, if a friend trust you with a very sensitive secret and you share this with others, you are not a true dependable person. That person will never trust you again and will close up more. "I thought I could trust you." Most females will recognize this. Don't be like that.

You are dependable or not.

You cannot be a bit dependable or sometimes or to some, but it has to be to everybody all the time. At least towards the good people. Most are good people, but many are struggling with personal issues. The one who steels from me will never be my friend again. I don't want people I cannot trust in my life. And I know it will happen again.

Being dependable is a part of a good character. Would you like to be one of those, then turn the switch. It is up to you.