Improving Yourself


How to be a nice family without problems


One of the most important thing in life is to have a nice and dependable family. This is possible. Because of not understanding the most important things, problems appear. Believe me, there is no need for that.

There are things parents should do and shouldn't do. If you are a parent, at least read what I am saying. It could be a life changer. Children deserve the best parents.

A family is not just parent(s) and child(ren) living in the same house. There should be a relationship and connection between all of them. They are all human beings and have their needs and obligations.

Parents should know the interests and problems of their children and who their friends are. Not only for keeping an eye on things, but also showing interest. This is called respect. You would like the same. 

How to lead children.

Parents should have the lead in a family, because they know what goes around. But parents are leading the children; not dominating. Dominating is not taking children serious. In other words not respecting them as human beings. Children are students of life, not followers. Or worse, slaves or servants.

Why dominating children is wrong.

Many parents think dominating children is the only way to keep control over them. If they don't dominate, they think the children will take over. One other reason for dominating, is thinking children have to think and be like them. Wrong. Twice. There are many other ways to lead a life. Children have their own destiny. You guide them and  make them socialized. That is it. For more on this, see my other pages.

Yes, children will try to take over if you give them that freedom. But a good leader should not allow that. But dominating is not the answer.

Difference between leading and dominating children.

Leading children and dominating children are two different things. The first one is respecting them and the second one is not respecting them. But leading also means saying "no", because a child will try to get unlimited freedom.

So you say "no" to throwing garbage on the street. But this is the right thing to do. This is not dominating children, but making them socialized. Children should have boundaries but not made of barbed wire.

Tension with children.

If parents do it the right way, there is no or hardly any tensions. Tensions start when a child feels it is not taken serious and being suppressed. Some families have some kind of war with each other. There is no need for that.
If children avoid being at home, I can assure you, parents are doing something wrong.

Or parents are dominating the children, or they control them the wrong way. Children need and want control, but not the prisoner way. Nobody likes that.

How about children and chores.

Children should have chores in housekeeping, because this is part of family life. If you explain they should help out, because it is a family thing, the children will accept it eventually. And they will feel part of the family.

If you order them to do chores, you will get tension, because children feel suppressed. It is a bit slavery. Nobody likes this. So it all depends on how you bring the message.

Why are some children so closed?

If a child doesn't speak about problems to parents, it is because the child does not feel comfortable. Not wanting to speak has a reason. Would you like to talk or open up to persons who laugh at you? Tell your secrets to others. Interrupt you all the time or hurt you when you open up? No.

Think about this; it is a very important thing. A child has the same thing. Its feelings and doubts are not different from yours. So the same here, if a child does not talk to parents, the problem are the parents. Not the child.

Should you play with your children?

Of course. Many parents do not play with children at all or not enough. This not right. Playing with children is something that strengthen a family. If you play, you have fun yourself and you communicate on the highest level.

But, parents should stay parent during play. You can be equal during the game, but as soon as things get out of control (damage, aggression) the parent has to step in. Otherwise the parent is immature and has no responsibility.

Eating together as family or not?

Of course. Eating together as a family, is a must. Everyone sits at the eating table at the same time. If not, this is not a real family, but a bunch of individuals. During eating, no phones or television and avoiding big problems. It is family time.

If your are not doing this, work on it till you succeed. Eating together makes a family closer. It sounds weird if you are not used to having the same meal at the same time as your other family members. But I can assure you will like it.

Function of parenting.

Growing children is for preparing them for their adulthood. Parents should learn their children as much as possible. Not only for their learning experience, but if you don't learn them things, they will learn it from others and this could be the wrong way.

Respect for others for instance. If children learn and experience you have to respect others, they will never think otherwise. A child who bullies another child has never learned to respect others, so he has no problem with bullying. If a child never has learned stealing is wrong, he will steal one day. The parents forgot something.

If you teach your children things, you have to act the same. You cannot teach smoking is bad, if you smoke yourself. If you are saying one thing, but doing the opposite yourself, a child will have a problem accepting things from you. If a parents teaches something, one has to believe itself. So be also the right example. Otherwise a child will see it as fake.

Make a house livable.

Your house is not a museum. So a bit messy once in a while shouldn't be a problem. Being filthy is wrong off course. The average look of a house says something of its inhabitants. Stiff parents have a perfect looking museum with sometimes even the books ordered at height. It is a dull and boring home. A house is for living.

"I don't care" parents have a mess in their house. Also wrong. The right parents have something in between. Things can lie on the floor. The vacuum cleaner does not have to work everyday. There are no covers on the chairs. Everybody can sit / play on the floor. Friends can come over, etc. In other words, it is more relaxed and the family members can do their things.

Get out of your comfort zone.

If you are one of the wrong extremes (stiff, uninterested) do something about. I know, it will be a big step, but as soon as you are used to the new environment you will like. It will make you feel more comfortable in your house.

A good family has fun together and will laugh a lot. Maybe laughing is the is the determinant. A dominated family will not laugh much, because there is tension. And tension is the enemy of feeling good. Only a nice family will laugh a lot.

Create a good home.

A good family is the most important thing to have. It is the foundation of life. Children will feel comfortable. Everybody will like it being at home. Smaller change of meeting the wrong friends and hardly any problems.

And the day they fly out to their own life's, they will come back for visits. This doesn't happen when things are very wrong in a family. If they leave home, children are glad to leave the house and probably do not want to come back. You don't visit tension or problems. People avoid problems.

How about your parents?

If you are doubting this, think about your parents. Do you like visiting them or only if you have to? If so, it is because something is wrong. Don't do this to your children.

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