you are wrong
Being a nice family
Dealing with problems
Enjoy the moment
Get rid of insecurity
Goal in life
How we develop (08-21-17)
Influence from your parents
Influences on children
Learning new things
"Nobody cares about me"
Relation, who fits to who
Stop hurting females
What is respect
What is self esteem
What is your tension level
Why do children say why
Women need to talk
If you are not happy, you are missing the most important thing in life. Being happy is much more important as getting rich or "succeeding" in life.
A happy person feels better and is more relaxed. So read this and get to a higher level if you are interested. It is possible for everybody. Even for the ones who don't believe it.
While writing my book I started to understand what happiness really is. Because I could everything that came into my mind onto paper, it was a kind of relieve for me. The more I wrote, the happier I felt. It looks like a relieve valve to happiness. Then I knew what happiness was.
Now I know there is a very simple explanation for being happy and that is: The absence of problems. Sounds simple, but that's all what it takes. But often it is not easy to achieve. it is a bit like the sun. It shines always, but sometimes you don't see it because of clouds. Remove the clouds is all what it takes.
Only when you are experiencing / feeling something, you can understand it. Someone who has never swum, doesn't understand that feeling. A child who lives in fear every day because it is abused at home, is experiencing something that someone who hasn't been there, never understands. One can only imagine.
Feeling something is the same for being happy. Only when you experience it, you know what it is. So again, I am a very happy person and know exactly what it is now. Would even call it a fact.
Digging into the personal problems and solving them, is the way to go. I didn't do anything else. Now I have a kind of relaxed feeling all day. I like to laugh. Prefer positive people. I still have my inner child and don't go with the adult flow. I prefer going to the beach over working twelve hours a day. No, I am not lazy or have a problem with making money.
Problems also influences your physical health. My blood pressure for instance is still excellent.
Will try to explain what being happy is with some more detail. The normal natural state of mankind is relaxed, happy, positive and the right social behavior. Watch little children. Most of them are still in the state of being really happy.
But because of several personal and environmental influences (clouds) while growing up, they leave this state. In other words, problems clouding up happiness. Happiness is not one of the many mental states of humans like anger, sadness and other forms.
Happiness is the normal default mental state and the others are mental abnormalities. Because of internal or external reasons you become angry, depressed, insecure and you leave the default happy state. In other words, where problems starts, happiness disappears.
Children switch very easy back to the default happiness. Recently a little girl had a collapsed balloon. She was totally upset and crying. So I gave her a new balloon and one minute later she was laughing again and totally over her "disaster." She was happy again with still some old tears on her cheek..
Saying it again, being happy, is the absence of problems. New balloon and all the problems were gone again. The cloud is gone and the sun is back.
For adults the same rules, but with many problems and some not easy solvable, the clouds stay (all their life). Somehow something went wrong and because of that, most adults have left the happy default basics. Would all the problems (clouds) disappear, people would be happy by itself. But a new balloon is not enough. I hope the site could help recovering the fun in life.
Personal problems and happiness are complementary to each other. You cannot have problems and be happy. It is one or the other. Were problems appear, happiness disappears. Fill an empty glass (no problems) with water (problems) and the empty space disappears. Yes, it is possible to have problems and temporary be happy, but then you need alcohol, drugs, medications or distractions. The more problems, the more you need.
Becoming happy only works if you solve your problems. In others words it is not possible to be happy if you have major problems. Believe me, real happiness is very rare at adults. The ones who think they are happy, are most of the time experiencing only limited or temporary happiness. New car, shopping, vacation, are some of those temporary highlights.
Problems prevents real happiness. Think of it as an obstacle (cloud). Solve the problems and you’ll be happy without any further action. And there is no other way. Watch yourself. If you have a problem and it is solved, you feel a lot better. Just as if a burden has fallen off. You are one step closer to the true happiness. But after a while another problem starts bothering you and your temporary, but limited, happiness is over again.
It goes something like this. A problem is bothering you. This will continue to haunt you no matter what you do. It may be overruled by a new problem. Or you can have temporary distractions (going on a vacation). Or start using drugs or alcohol. But sooner or later it comes back because it is still there.
This can be personal doubts, financial problems, past abuses, relation problems, or whatever, or combinations of those. That’s the way the brains work. A problem remains, regardless of what you are doing, until it is solved or accepted (some past things cannot be changed).
You can stun it, avoid or ignore it, but it it will be there somewhere in the brains. Being really happy is impossible because of unsolved problems. Are you sitting comfortably somewhere, then ping, there is another problem that will disturb your peace. See it as a popup on the Internet.
This is why some people are so busy and restless. It is because once they come to rest, the avoided problems will rise and they feel miserable again and they don’t want that. This, and nothing else, is the reason of drug and alcohol abuse. They want peace in there minds, but can’t accomplish it without alcohol or drugs.
The more extreme doses, the greater the problems. Only with these tranquilizers they can feel comfortable. An alcoholic has major mental problems. This is the source for his or her drinking.
Believe me, real happiness, is a rarity in adults. Many think they are happy, and maybe they are occasionally, but most of the time it is not good. Only when you're really happy, you understand. Someone who is insecure for example, can’t be happy. Only when the confidence is restored, it is possible.
If one solves a problem, it disappears. If you have money again, your financial problem thoughts will vanish. This applies to all problems. Solve them and thinking of those problems will disappears by itself. But sooner or later the next problem will popup (which was “hiding” under it).
Would you continue to solve the problems, you sooner or later will run out of problems. Sounds weird, but that’s the way it is. And it possible. This is the only way to be really happy. That is why young children are so happy. They don't have problems yet.
Just watch your thoughts. You're almost constantly thinking of what is bothering you. Or you are trying to avoid the problem thoughts. There is no minute's silence. Within a few seconds you have a popup of a problem. Most cannot be thoughtless without drugs, alcohol or whatever. Problems are controlling your life. This applies to almost everyone. Most have lost the children's happiness. And that is the real and only one.
Everybody thinks constant thinking is normal, but it is certainly not. By writing my book I left this stage and my constant thinking no longer exists. I have peace in the upper room. This is the same as happiness. Of course thinking is necessary, otherwise you can not exist. But I do not have the nonstop personal problem thoughts anymore. They have left the building permanently.
You have no idea how good that feels. That is all it is, happiness is the absence of problems. It is nothing else. It is hiding under the problems. Or, once again, see it as clouds. The sun is still there, but you can't see it. Everybody can be happy. But for some it will not be easy. The further you are away from inner balance (is the same as happiness), the longer the road of recovery. But it is possible for anyone.