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Being independent. What does it mean?

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Being independent means not needing anybody. This is not the same as avoiding other people. Being independent means you feel good about yourself without other people's company. You do not have to dislike others. You can like others, but you do not need them for your wellbeing. Try to understand the difference.

Being independent is the opposite of feeling lonely.

If you change your thinking because others are criticizing you, although you know you are right, you are not independent. But there is a difference between knowing you are right and not wanting to give in. If you think the Earth is flat, you go against all proven facts. So you have to be sure you are right and it is not about the fear of admitting being wrong.

There is nothing wrong with listening to other people's opinion, because you do not know everything. But if you give in because you do not like being criticized and not because you are wrong, you have an issue with your self esteem.

Better at making decisions

Being independent means you do not have problems making your own decisions. Those are the ones who can become supervisors, leaders or have their own business. Or roughly said leaders versus followers. A leader makes decisions and a follower follows them. Off course a leader has to follow once in a while, like having rules and laws. But the life of an independent person is more centered around setting up their own life. And not what others expect from him or her.

Levels in independence

There are levels in independence. It is less or more. It is not black and white. A supervisor must have some kind of independence, otherwise he or she would not be a supervisor. Someone who is running a business by him or herself, is in general more independent as a supervisor, because a business owner does not have or need anybody for telling what to do. A supervisor does have one or more persons standing above him or her, who makes the bigger decisions.

There is a reason why someone is not enough independent. Will get back on this. I say enough because almost all have a certain amount of strength to make decisions. Which TV program to watch is one of the easy ones. Or which shoes to put on your feet. Although some have a problem with this and need other people's approval.

But that does not make you independent. Making choices for things that are pretty safe does not involve risks. That is why they are called safe decisions. The bigger the decisions the more risks. Switching jobs is a bigger one, because here are more risks involved. Sticking to the old is very often choosing for safety.

Running a business of your own, is something that needs a lot of independence, because he or she has to make all the decisions. And the owner is responsible if things go wrong. They cannot say "Pete told me to do this." Someone who is running a business cannot blame others if problems occur. That is why many avoid running a business.

Reasons for not being independent enough

So why is someone not enough independent? Yes, it involves taking risks. But that is not the real reason. There is a deeper reason. You have to go back in your life. It has to do with the way you were raised. The most common one is having one or more parents who were too dominate. A too dominate parent destroys independence of a child.

Parents have to be in charge, but dominating is wrong. Children will be damaged with this approach. For this see my site and other info. Especially my parenting course. It explains a lot. It is for parents, but also for the adults who are struggling with things. Here is the root of many problems. But don't blame your parents because most of the time they did what they thought was best.

Probably they were raised the same way. This is one of the most important reasons why I also have a parenting course on my site. I want to avoid passing on the wrong way of parenting. Because this will happen if parents do not have info to do better.

If parents do not allow a child to make their own decisions up to a certain point, they lose the ability of independence. I say up to a certain point, because taking over family life is something parents should not allow. Parents should find the middle road between controlling children and making them independent. If parents are too strict, children lose their independence and get lower self esteem.

Maybe parents do not realize it, but the future adult need independence to survive in this world. He or she has to make their own decisions. If parent are too loose, children will become uncontrollable.

After this detour which I had to do, back to the situation now. Probably you know you cannot change the past. But you have control over your future. Independence can be improved. So it is not you are stick with this burden. You are not a programmed machine. You are a human being who can grow.

How to improve independence

The first step, which I have just explained, is understanding why you are not independent enough. Think about your childhood. Think about the communication with your parents. Once again, do not blame your parents. Most of the time they did their best. Probably they just past on the way they were raised. Almost all parents are doing the best they can. But most parents do not understand many important things. You know when you are hurt by your parents, but many parents do not realize they are hurting their children. That is why my parenting course for a better start.

If you see the problems in your past, you have a starting point. The second step is understanding there is nothing wrong with you. You are doubting yourself, because you had too many wrong influences from persons who did not realize this. That is it.

The third step is going up to more independence. First you need step one and two to see why you are struggling with independence. If you understand the why, you can fix it. There is nothing wrong with you. You have started to believe there is something wrong with you because of influences from others. You have to start believing in yourself again. If you switch this knob, you will slowly go up again. Read also my info on my site and the YouTube videos. It can support you in your way up. If there is still a bit fighting spirit left, you can improve yourself.

"But I don't know you"

It feels I am talking to you, but without knowing you. This is because so many people are struggling with themselves. I hope many will change themselves to better levels. It is possible. I wasn't a very unhappy person, but I have grown to feel good levels I would never have expected.

If you want to do the same, you only need the right info. I have found it, so you do not have to figure out things yourself. You only have to read, watch, think about it and improve yourself. It is not a one day job. It will take a while, but it can go up with you. So it is not a switch for more light, but a dimmer who slowly gives you more light.

Independence is related to self esteem. If you get stronger, you will become more independent. Then you will be able to make better decisions and this will make you feel better again.