Improving Yourself


Dealing with problems of life

As I have said somewhere, solve your problems if you want to go to higher feel good levels. That is easier said than done, so some more details about this. A problem keeps hunting you until it is solved. That means thoughts about that problem keeps coming back. You can avoid problem thoughts, by changing your thoughts. Or by cleaning the kitchen for the second time today. Or use alcohol or drugs to get peace of mind.

Extroverts are dealing different with problems as introverts

These are all ways for not thinking about your problems. Extrovert people are extrovert because they do not want to know they have mental issues. The more extrovert, the more problems they are running away from. Like the ones who party all night long and use a lot of alcohol or drugs. Then they think they do not have problems.

The introverts are thinking about their problems. They try to find solutions. Very often they do not find solutions, but they have a change. The extroverts have no change; they have to keep on fleeing.

Problems and tension are related

Problems and peace of mind or feel good in you want, are related. You cannot be relaxed and have tons of problems. The more problems, the more tensed you are. To be more precise, problem and tension is the same. You are tensed because you have problems. Watch young children. Most of them do not have problems yet. That is why they are so relaxed and in the mood for playing. And because of that, they are close to smiling level. If you smile, you feel good. If you feel good, you need very little for a smile. A tensed person does not smile or laugh a lot. Pretending is not the same as real laughing.

A problem is only a problem if you make it a problem

This is an important statement. If you brake something, it is broken. That is it. Accept it. If you get upset or choosing for another negative emotion, you are creating a problem. If you get angry because you dropped a plate on a concrete floor, you will not get the plate back. Laughing about it, or raising your shoulders, is a much better way for responding. The plate stays broken, whatever you do. So why ruin your good mood.

If you get angry for a dropped plate, means you are already tensed. The plate is the prick of a needle at a full blown balloon for a stressed person. It explodes. A relaxed person does not get upset for a broken plate. He or she is closer to laughing about it, or raisin shoulders. How you respond is related to how you are feeling. Read my "What is your tension level" info for this. See left column. (I don't like putting links in text.)

Problems can be divided in unsolvable and solvable

Dealing with them is also different. Unsolvable problems should be accepted as they are. You cannot undo the broken plate. Life does not have an undo button, like the one on your computer. Gone is gone. Broken is broken. Accept it and move on. Probably you think I am right and one should respond like this. But it is different once you are in that situation. If you see someone else drop a plate, or in a funny video, you could laugh about it. But if it happens to you, it is a different story. Your plate makes you upset. Because it raises your existing tension.

But for some issues in life, you cannot accept and move on. Most of the time it is if you are dealing with persons or animals. If someone you care about dies, you will get emotional. That is good. It means you care. Mourning can take days or weeks.

How to deal with loss

Mourning is normal and you should. And you cannot avoid it if you care about someone. But also for this one, one day you have to accept, it has happened and move on. So being depressed after one year if you have lost someone, is not right. Being depressed or being angry is the same here; it does not help. You cannot bring that person back. You have to move on with your life. I am not saying you should forget. Find a way to remember him or her, but without suffering for it too much.

The one thing I have learned after losing someone, is to be careful with objects and especially images from that person or animal. You can get very emotional about that. It could help if you avoid seeing objects and images of the person you have lost. Hide them for a while until you can deal with that again. The impact of pictures is often too strong. That is not being hard, but it is protecting you from going too far down emotionally. Thinking about him or her is also remembering, but it is more doable as seeing pictures.

How to deal with problems

If you have solvable problems, try to solve them. Otherwise it stays a problem. Think, ask, try or search for ways to solve it. If you have tried all and you did not solve it, so you have no options left, it is an unsolvable problem. Accept it and move on. If there is no way you can fix your car, get rid of it. There is a limit to everything.

The ability for solving problems, is related to your self esteem. The stronger you are, the better you are at solving problems. The stronger you are, the better you are at making decisions. If you have many doubts about yourself, you are not very good at solving problems. This means problems keeps piling up. The only way to get out of this situation, is work on your self esteem. Low self esteem is a solvable problem. If you accept your low self esteem, you make it an unsolvable problem. It is giving up.

I do not think you have given up, otherwise you would not be reading this. The problem of low self esteem can be improved step by step. For some the road is longer, but it is always solvable. Read my site for more info. If you get stronger, you will be better at solving your problems. Then you will be more capable of saying no. If you can say no if needed, you avoid a lot of new problems. If your self esteem level goes up, the pile of problems can become smaller until they are all gone. Having more faith in yourself, is a part of solving problems.

So, categorize problems first. If it can be solved, try to solve it. Like a dent in a car. Or doubting yourself. If it cannot be solved, accept it and move on. You car has been burned out. The plate is definitely broken. Laugh about if you can, clean it and move on with your life.