How to get rid of insecurity

Feel good playlist at Spotify

Insecurity is a major problem. It prevents you from having a very happy life. If you doubt yourself, you doubt almost everything. But there is no need for that.

Insecurity has a reason. Nobody is born insecure. This is against nature. Read this article and do some thinking. This info could help you a lot.

I have been there. But I have l left it and I am not coming back. Ever.

When you were born, you were not insecure. You didn't doubt yourself at all. I know you couldn't think, but you had the life attitude of not holding back. You started to walk, you fell, you stood up again, you fell, etc. Probably you fell hundreds of time.

You never thought "I'll never learn to walk and I will stay down here." So because you didn't doubt yourself, you finally learned to walk. Someone who is in balance never gives up. He/she never stays down. It is because there is no insecurity yet.

As a start, parents always support a child.

There are no problems with learning to walk, because parents want their children to walk. They never say "don't get up; you'll never learn to walk." In this case there is even the opposite force. They want their children to walk, so they challenge, admire and help them in their learning to walk journey. So a child learns to walk.

Why does it go wrong.

But many other things go wrong (in most cases). Because most parents do not understand how things work during parenting, they make the wrong decisions. Because a new born doesn't know anything, many parents think they are going to tell the child what it can and cannot do. Up to a certain point this is necessary, otherwise a child cannot grow.

Where insecurity starts.

Many parents overdo the guiding part by thinking the child has to be a copy of them. The child has to do and think the same as the parents, "because this is only right way." So they mold the child to their shape.

If a child doesn't accept this, because it wants its own life, it starts to protest. Most parents do not like this, so they put extra force towards the child to get them in line. They do this by raising voices, getting aggressive and using personal attacks ("You are dumb."). Or by persistent repeating their vision of life.

If this pressure stays long and intense, the child is going to give in. Insecurity is born, because the child doesn't believe in itself anymore.

A right and a wrong example.

To avoid confusing, an example. It is right to forbid a three year old child to cross a street of its own. This is wrong for a ten year old. A ten year old should be capable of doing this on its own. Parents should teach this to their children. No, I don't mean downtown New York. That is a different story. No young child should be there on its own.

Women and girls are more insecure.

Starting to doubt yourself is most of the time a female thing. Most men have manhood to believe in. Men don't believe in themselves, but in being a man. This is ego. Not much different from acting. Ego is not believing in yourself, but in a created form of self esteem. Then it is not "I am me", but "I am a man."

Females do not have this alternative. But some females also have an ego. It is the female version. An ego thinks it rules the world and is always right. They are not nice people to deal with. Hard, ruthless, cold, overachievers, me me me, etc. You will probably know some.

There are several forms of insecurity.

Giving up on yourself and let parents take the lead of your life can have several forms. Like obeying all the time or not disagreeing anymore. The child has given up thinking for itself.

Or the child has accepted it is dumb or worthless. Yes, a child is going to believe this after a lot of this pressure. I have said something similar on my other pages. But I have to repeat it here, because it is very important you recognize this.

If you are insecure (most females have this problem), you need to know why, as a starting point for recovery. What I just described is your source of your insecurity. So think back at your childhood.

What causes insecurity.

This has a negative influence on your self esteem:

Often hearing "You are dumb" or similar. You are going to believe this after a while because you believe your parents!
"You cannot do this. Leave it to us." You are obviously not capable of doing things.
Never listening to you. No time for you, or always interrupting. You feel worthless. You start to think you are not worthy paying attention to.
Always disagreeing with you. Then you start doubting your thoughts. "I know nothing obviously because I am always wrong."

As soon as you start doubting yourself, it will stay with you. Also during adulthood. Unless you fight it. With this site I am trying to help.

Parents want the best for their children.

If you have these influences, you must doubt yourself. This varies from a little bit to seeing yourself as worthless. This is the reason why. Because you have had too many negative influences on your self esteem, you started to doubt yourself. But don't blame your parents. Almost every time they want the best for their children, but they also have been raised with the wrong influences. They didn't know better.

Get rid of insecurity.

Back to you again. If you recognize these things, you have a change to recover. Because if you do not know why you are insecure or better said have become insecure, it will be very hard to improve. You should start to think things like "Because I haven't been taken serious, I have started to doubt myself. But I am going to believe in myself again."

Keep believing in yourself.

Believe me, if you don't know why you are insecure, you can't make progress. You can force yourself to do things you are afraid of and make some progress. Or use alcohol for your confidence, but as long as you don't understand the source of your insecurity, you can't get out of the valley.

Insecurity is like a virus (not a real virus) that infects all your thought and behavior. You have to fight it. No, there are no pills for that. If you don't fight it, it will stay there forever. You can fight it by first recognizing why you doubt yourself (this article) and then start believing in yourself again. Use this site as your new foundation.