you are wrong
Being a nice family
Dealing with problems
Enjoy the moment
Feeling music (10-31-17)
Get rid of insecurity
Goal in life
How we develop
Influence from your parents
Influences on children
Learning new things
"Nobody cares about me"
Relation, who fits to who
Stop hurting females
What is respect
What is self esteem
What is your tension level
Why do children say why
Women need to talk
With influence from your parents, I mean how parents should behave towards growing children. The younger a child, the more influence parents should have, because young children do not know much. They do not see danger. They do not know what can go wrong. The parents are protectors and teachers.
But many parents are too protective. Or too dominate. The results will be a bit the same. And that is, the child is not allowed to do something. A too protective parent is afraid something goes wrong. A dominate parent, has a problem with a child taking initiative, because the parent wants to be in control.
An example is for instance a child wants to climb a low wall. The protective parent is afraid the child may fall. The dominant parent does not like it when a child does something he or she has not given permission to.
I am talking about too protective and too dominant. Young children need to be protected, but many parents are overdoing it. Very often this is mom. Same for dominance. There have to be rules and borders, because of safety. But a parent can be too strict. Very often this is dad.
Because of not allowing something, or because of being over protective or too dominant, parents are limiting a child. If a child is not allowed to climb a tree, he or she will not have the skills for that. It goes into the direction of a child becoming boring. Because it is not allowed to do many children things.
The older a child gets, the less influence parents should have. So far I am saying the same things as in my parenting video course on my site or YouTube. Read and watch it. You could learn things. But now I continue with the relationship between you and your parents and not between you and your children.
I have no idea how old you are, but this is what should be normal. From teen time and older, your independence should grow. If you are a teenager, you should have a fair amount of living your own life. Because you are on the road to independence. But not every parent likes this. Many parents want to keep you under their control and mold you the way they think you should be. This is hard to overcome, if you still live at your parents home, because they make the rules.
Once you have your own home, it is not right anymore if your parents control your life. Now it is your life. Now you should make the decisions you want. The color of your living room is your choice. Which car you buy, is up to you. Some or maybe many parents are having a problem with letting a child go. This is wrong.
Don't forget, you are not a copy of your parents. You are you. You have to make your own choices. Probably it is hard to make your own decisions if your parents did not allow you a certain independence when you were at their home. But you have to get used to making your own choices, if you want to control your life.
Once you moved out of your parents house, you should not obey your parents anymore. They do not have the right to do this. Some parents still want to control you. You have to go against it. If they like it or not. In their home you have to accept their rules. But the same if your parents are visiting you at your home. For instance putting feet on the coffee table. Or smoking in the house. Your house, your rules. Including your parents. You have to get used to this attitude. So do your parents.
It is hard to go against your parents, but sometimes you have to. You have to draw a line. Very often they will accept it after a while.
Off course you can listen or accept their advice. That is different. They have more life experience. And they keep the urge to protect you. But you are the one who decides what is right or wrong in your life. This is called being an adult.
In other words, once you are living on your own, parents should not control your life anymore. You can listen. They can help. But not control. Otherwise you will never be independent.
If you know think, yes, this sounds right, start believing in this attitude and set your borders, otherwise you are not a really free person. There is a change your parents start using the feel guilty approach. Like saying you do not appreciate the things they have done for you. Say you appreciate it, but make clear you want to control your own life.
There could be more involved. For instance if your parents are having a business of their own, don't feel obligated to take over. Only if you want to. Maybe you should be clear on this in an early stage, so they can get used to it and close this option.
Once again, it is your life. Not the life of your parents.