Improving Yourself

Influences on children

How children are approached, makes or brakes them. Parents are the most important influence. A child is coming to this world, not knowing anything. It has to learn everything. How this is done, is how the child becomes. Yes, the wrong influence can damage a child.

Besides parents, many other things influences children. Like social behavior, watching TV, gaming, eating healthy, etc. But parents need to play a role in this part too.

There are many influences on children. Do not underestimate this. There are two kinds. The first one is seeing something and wanting to do it. For instance, if a child sees a group of children playing, it wants to do it also. This is somehow a natural thing. Or if contact with dad is good and dad is hammering, the child wants to do this too.

Second influence on a child is pressure. This can be from manipulation ("You are bad if you do not clean it up") to aggression ("If you don't clean it up, I am going to hit you.").

How to learn children things.

If a child has parents who play musical instruments and contact between each other is good, the child wants to do it also. This is the right way to let a child learn to play an instrument. The wrong way is, forcing the child to play an instrument.

Force is not the right way.

This is the wrong influence, because forcing doesn't end well most of the time. If a child isn't going to like it during this period, it will drop everything as soon as it gets the change ("school, too busy, headache"). I can assure you if a child grows up and leaves the house, it will stop playing the piano at all if it dislikes it.

If a child wants to play the piano by itself, it probably will play its whole life. There is a big difference between wanting to and having to. Nobody likes to be forced. With force, one wants to do the opposite.

Most important thing for learning.

I have said twice "if the contact is good." I explain this. If there is mutual respect in a family, a child wants to do the things the parents are doing. If a nice mom likes swimming or cooking, the children want to do that too, because mom is doing it. This is a natural influence.

A child wants / need to follow parents to grow / learn. If there is tension in a family, the child do not want to follow or take over things out of rebellion. "If you don't respect me (this is the source of the tension most of the time), I refuse to do what you are doing. I go the opposite way." If someone pushes you, you push back. Children do the same.

There are levels in force.

A little bit of disrespect and force, means a little bit of being obstructive. No respect at all will lead to "I refuse to do anything you do." So there can be positive influence ("I want that too.") or negative influence ("If you go left, I go right") from parents. It all depends how you treat children. See my other articles for that.

The outside world has influence too.

These are the influences on a child at home. But there are many more. Society (friends, media, school) has a big influence on a child. Here are the same kinds of influences as at home. Seeing other children doing things or having things, or seeing commercials, can trigger "I want that too."

The other influence is pressure. If a child doesn't wear the right brand of clothes, or their hair is weird, or they don't have a cell phone, etc, they don't fit in at school and friends. Most of the time, the child tries to change being different. "Dad, I need a cell phone and new clothes." For a part a child wants to have the new things and for a part of pressure from the others.

Group pressure.

Children laugh at "different" children, they ignore them and maybe bully them. Not only wants the group the "weird" one to fit in, but the members of the group want to be clear they don't approve being different to the other group members.

This is why good friends can be separated if they join school and one doesn't (want to) fit in. Very often, a group forces one to be about the same as them. If not, they try to influence that person until it fits in, or it is ignored and marked as "weird".

But some refuse to fit in.

They prefer being themselves in spite of everything. The ones who don't give in, are often strong characters who refuses to be someone their not. They can look insecure and shy, but deep inside is still a lot of independency. They would like to be accepted by the group, but only as being them self.

But this is not always the reason for being different. Some do this on purpose for getting attention. Those are most of the time not the quit ones.

The ones who resist the influence from others to be like them, are more independent as group members. A strong personality is not very vulnerable from the influences from others. It believes in itself and chooses its own direction. If others have influence on (your) children, depends on how strong they believe in themselves.