you are wrong
Being a nice family
Dealing with problems
Enjoy the moment
Get rid of insecurity
Goal in life
How we develop (08-21-17)
Influence from your parents
Influences on children
Learning new things
"Nobody cares about me"
Relation, who fits to who
Stop hurting females
What is respect
What is self esteem
What is your tension level
Why do children say why
Women need to talk
Communicating with children sounds simple, but it is not. It is simple for some, but most parents are struggling with this and doing it the wrong way. This page will give you easy to follow ideas, which can cause a major difference in the relationship with your children or other children.
First going back to you. Ever been ignored? So being in a situation when someone is not listening to you. How does this feel? Really, try to imagine this, because this is very important.
You want to say something, but nobody is responding. It is like talking to a closed door. Try to imagine this feeling. How does this feel? Females will feel it stronger as males.
And the worst one is, completely ignoring. For adults this doesn't happen often in real life. Adults do not do that, because it is impolite and rude. But children experiencing this often, because many adults do not take children seriously. And this is a very wrong attitude. And it will damage the child for sure. It is an attack on the self esteem.
Have you ever contacted a company or government by phone and you are put on hold forever, or transferred to others and you have to repeat your message over and over. It will frustrate you, because you want to solve your problem or tell your story. It feels like not being taken seriously.
Many children are experiencing this very often. It is because children are little and do not know much yet.
You see this once in a while in public. Child is asking or saying something, but it is completely ignored. Mom or dad is somewhere else with their mind. Like "very important" things on the mobile phone.
How does this feel: "MOM" or with "WHAT IS THAT?" Or "LOOK AT ME, I CAN STAND ON ONE FEET." Ignoring this causes mental pain.
Ignoring someone does mean, not taking that person seriously. Probably it is not intentional, but it feels that way. And this hurts. A lot. For a child this is a "confirmation" it is not worth much. What else can a child conclude. "Mom or dad does respond to others, but not to me. There must be something wrong with me."
It will be a dent in their self esteem. You do not do that to anybody, including children. It is also not nice for them. They have the same feelings as you.
There is no such thing as a certain age when ignoring starts to hurt. And many ignoring will damage their self esteem. If there are many signs they are not worth listening to, children will start doubting themselves.
But it doesn't show and that is why you don't realize the damage of ignoring.
Once again, how would you feel when someone ignores you.
Getting response is very important. It is also for the 2 year old who made its first drawing. He or she is proud and wants to show and share. And maybe get a compliment. I know his or her first drawing looks terrible to you, but not for your child. For them it is very important. It is the achievement of their life. A good parent pretends it is a very beautiful drawing. A good parent shares their joy. In other words, a good parent does respond to children.
If you respond the right way, your child will be more proud. And it will be more motivated to make more beautiful things. In other words, you can support your child.
If you do not respond or always criticize, it will not show you things anymore or even stop making them. In other words, you can destroy its creativity and playfulness. Which one do you prefer.
A compliment is a positive thing for self esteem by the way. But do not overdo it. They should not start creating for compliments.
Who do you think like children the most? These are the ones who listen, talks and plays with them. In other words they get attention. Observe children. Who do they prefer? Almost all the time they prefer nice people. Nice people are not the onces who ignore them. Children do not like those people.
Who do you like the most? They are the ones who takes you seriously. They are not the ones who are ignoring you. You do not like them also. With those you feel welcome. Think about this and don't be a closed door.
Ignoring is one of the worst things you can do to a child. This is why ignoring a child lowers their self esteem. And this is why problems with children are caused by parents. Because ignoring children has influence on their self esteem and / or will lead to frustration for a child. This frustration will be returned towards parents by unwanted behavior of the child. Parents are going to think the child is the problem. The child is not the problem; it only wants attention.
Why do you think someone walks in bright pink on the streets or dresses too sexy. It wants attention. Attention they did not get when they were a child.
And many people are not good at listening to someone. Most want to talk and are not very interested in listening. With this attitude, one will never have good communication. Same here, someone who is not good at listening, will never be marked as nice. What is nice about someone who is not interested in you.
Yes, not being interested in someone's opinion, is about the same as ignoring. That person in not interested in someone else. This will be stronger towards children. That is why many children suffer. Most should talk less and listen more. That is why we have one mouth and two ears.
I know, it sound hard what I am saying. Maybe it scared you. But I want you to start thinking. I am trying to prevent damage to children. Don't be one of those parents. Do it the right way. If you do it the right way, your children will change in a positive way. And because of that your family life will improve a lot.