you are wrong
Being a nice family
Dealing with problems
Enjoy the moment
Get rid of insecurity
Goal in life
How we develop (08-21-17)
Influence from your parents
Influences on children
Learning new things
"Nobody cares about me"
Relation, who fits to who
Stop hurting females
What is respect
What is self esteem
What is your tension level
Why do children say why
Women need to talk
With raising children, it is very important you take them seriously. Agreeing or disagreeing is a different story. You can take someone seriously and in the meantime disagreeing. This is one of the most important things when raising children.
Please, take them seriously. No matter how small he or she is. Many, if not most parents, have a problem with this.
I hope you not stop reading because you do not like what I am saying so far. I am trying to improve things; not attacking others.
Yes, you are bigger, smarter, stronger and more experienced. But that does not mean that little person standing next to you, is a lesser person. You have to respect him or her as a human being. No doubt, you are in charge and you make the rules. That is a different thing.
Even if he or she has nothing interesting to say for adult understandings, you take them seriously by listening. For a child a happening or an idea is very important.
You are not going to be excited for a cow, but for a young child, the first cow a very big deal. It will be excited about it. And it wants to know what it is. It is building a life from scratch and because of that it is very simple minded at the beginning. And this build up should not be interrupted. It has simple thoughts, but it is on its way to adult hood. See them as little adults.
If you do not respond to his excitement for its first cow, you do not communicate. If you do not answer it's question for what that animal is, you don't care about your children. Think about this. Put yourself into his or her little shoes. If you think I am right, you have risen a step on the good parenting ladder.
If you do not agree. Then how about this. Suppose you call someone for solving a problem and that person says "I don't care" and hangs up. How would you feel. You will feel frustrated. Like a child.
Responding to their excitement and answering their questions, is a sign you are taking them seriously. In other words it is respect for children. If you understand this and apply it, many problems in your family life will disappear. Most problems do not occur with rules or chores, but with disrespect. Many parenting problems are caused by looking down on children. Imagine your supervisor who does not respect you. Who ignores you. I doubt you like it.
Taking your child seriously is important at all ages. If someone is taken seriously, it gives a feeling of being a worthy person. In other words it is good for a solid self esteem.
Again, taken a child not seriously is one of the major problems when raising children. Because it is small and doesn't know much, it is treated the wrong way. But believe me, their emotions and feelings are the same as yours. They know when they are not respected, they also feel pain when ignored, they feel it when they are not welcome. Most of the time it doesn't show, but believe me, children are suffering on this. And it will damage their self esteem for sure.
Listen sincerely to a child. Ask questions and take your time. If you do this and your children are having problems, real ones or child problems, they will come to you. They know you will listen and you will help them if needed. This is what good parents do.
And if you are communicating the right way with a child, you will often enjoy their fresh and new way of looking at things.
If children do not understand things, or doing the wrong things, explain. Investigation from children is very often destruction, but this is not always obvious to a child. Especially the very little ones have often no idea what they are doing.
If a child understands why something is not allowed or possible, it can accept it. Just forbidding something is hard to accept. It will result in "Why not?" The why not, is because it wants an explanation. If the child understands the reason, it can accept it.
Try to understand this with an example for an adult. A civilian says : "You cannot cross that bridge!" What is your first thought? "Who do you think you are?" Or "Why not." If he responds with: "Because I say so", you will be irritated and maybe you still want to cross that bridge.
But if he responds with: "Because it is about to fall apart." Then you can accept and even thank him without any form of frustration.
Children have the same feelings about this. You and children always want to know why or why not. If you explain, if possible, you won't have a problem. You can forbid a dog something because you cannot explain. But you can explain to a child. "Is bah", is an explanation. Even a two year cold could understand this. Then it's thought will be something like "I cannot eat worms because it is bah."
Explaining is a higher form of making rules.
Explaining is not very complicated if you give it a try. I know, it is a change of habit if you are not used to it. Once again, would you like to have something forbidden without a reason?
The magic word here is: because. You cannot do that, because....... You have to do that, because...... You need to know this, because......
And if you explain what is possible or not, children can understand it and you do not have to forbid everything. And it is more acceptable. You also wouldn't like it, if you are not allowed to do something, without a reason. Children are the same. They have the same feelings. If it is forbidden without reason to play soccer in the living room, they could do it in grandma's living room, because this is not forbidden.
If you explain you cannot play soccer in the living room because it can cause damage, they will understand. And they will not play soccer in anybody's living room. Not only do they understand now, but these children could correct their little brother or sister when playing soccer in the living room.
And if you forbid, you have to forbid every detail, because children can use every exception as an excuse to do it. "You never said I could not play soccer at grandma's living room." So punishment is not always justified, because this was not forbidden.
If you have explained it, you can call on their responsibilities. "I have explained, it can cause damage, so why did you do it." For this you can punish. Like cleaning up the mess or paying for the costs.
With explaining things, you show respect to children because you take them seriously. They will like you for that. They will learn. They will grow. You will prevent problems. And you avoid a lot of unneeded tension in your family. "Why can't I play soccer here."
Believe me, children will suffer if you do not take them seriously. You want to be taken seriously; so do others, including children. Listening, talking and explaining are the right things to do for parents.