you are wrong
Being a nice family
Dealing with problems
Enjoy the moment
Get rid of insecurity
Goal in life
How we develop (08-21-17)
Influence from your parents
Influences on children
Learning new things
"Nobody cares about me"
Relation, who fits to who
Stop hurting females
What is respect
What is self esteem
What is your tension level
Why do children say why
Women need to talk
Consider this info the most important you have ever read about raising children. It is not in detail, but general guidelines. More about specific things in other articles (to follow). It explains the situation of the child and how to deal with this.
You can make or brake children with parenting. There is no such thing as a genetic reason. It all depends on the parents.
Raising children is very easy if you do it the right way and you will have the nicest children. If you do it the wrong way, you will have many problems and you will damage the child's development. There are the rules for raising children. In this case, not rules for the children, but rules for parents. Yes, there should be rules for the children, but that is a different story.
There are two extremes ways of raising a child. Both are wrong. You will damage the children for sure. I don't think you want this, because most parents want the best for their children. But because parents very often do not understand the important things with parenting, it still goes wrong.
The first extreme and wrong approach is: "I am in charge. They have to obey. I tell them what is best for them." This is the dominant way of letting a child grow up. It is like having slaves. The child will be messed up with this attitude.
Parents who are very dominant, having two wrong visions on their children. First, they are underestimating the child's potential. A child can think of its own. Second, the children do not have to be perfect clones of mom or dad.
Because this is what dominant parents trying to archive. "You have to be like me, because this is the only right way." Wrong. Very wrong. A child needs to choose its own life. Yes, within certain social limits and with guidance of parents. How can a child think for itself if that was never allowed?
With caching the child's own potential, you will get children who are very good in obeying to everyone and not good in thinking for itself. You cannot have a mind of your own if it has been forbidden to think for yourself for about twenty years. And very often these children will do the same to their future children.
Don't worry, your children are not going to be in charge in your house if you don't let them. Parents should still be in the lead. There is a difference between giving children freedom for their own thing and letting children control everything.
The other and wrong way is: "The child can do whatever it wants." Yes, it looks the easy way, but you will have many problems. And if you think letting the child do whatever it wants, is the best thing for their development, you are very wrong.
This child will be messed up too, but the opposite way. Because they never had rules, they also don't care about society rules. "Nobody is going to tell me what to do." "If I want to throw garbage on the floor, I am going to do that."
The right way is somewhere in the middle. A child needs rules and needs a certain amount of freedom. A child gets the freedom it can handle. Parents decide this. A three year child is not allowed to cross a street on its own. You can teach this and give the child the lead, but it is not allowed to do this by itself. An eight year old should be capable of this if trained well and traffic is acceptable.
Lets take crossing a street for very young children as an example. "I don't care if you want to cross, is up to you. Do whatever you wane do." With this attitude you can wait for an accident to happen. Parents fault.
"You'll never cross a street without me saying so." This means when the child gets older it is still waiting for to be commanded and will be scary if it has to cross a street of its own. Parents fault.
The right way is, teaching how to cross a street, guided by parents. Not sure every country is the same, but I was taught to look left first, then right and then left again (UK, etc v.v.). Then cross the street without running and preferably in a straight line.
You can teach this to a three year old (if traffic allows this). Teach this and then let it take the lead, but with parents watching and following. This is the right way to prepare your child for adulthood. Not only develops a child, but he / she likes it. It will feel proud about itself.
A child is born knowing nothing. Everything (!) has to be learned by looking at parents and by explaining things. Each baby has a huge potential and you have to guide this the right way. You can teach them a lot and you should. It is your responsibility.
You do this by supporting the development, but also limiting, because children want more as they are ready for. I have seen a six year old girl lowering the saddle of her bike herself using tools. She must have had good parents. If a sixteen year old child (boy or girl) cannot cook, it is not even close to being an adult. It is underdeveloped. Parents are to blame.
Teach (not drill) your children and give them the freedom they can handle. Many parents have a problem trusting their children and giving them space. Don't forget, they are future adults. Their childhood is a learning period. It is for preparing them to adulthood. If you teach them to be responsible (for their actions), he / she can be ready for society. Lack of responsibility is a major problem.
Children can and want to grow. That is why they ask so many questions. Look at children at a bookstore or library. They forget everything. Children are like dry sponges; they want to absorb. Never destroy this by getting unfriendly at their questions. Give them books. With non-fiction books a child grows and will be running around your living room a lot less.
Talk to them. Listen to them. Go for walks. Let them experience things. Play with the. Sit on the floor with them. This is what a good parent should do.
If you dominate your children or give them too much freedom, you will have problematic / underdeveloped children for sure. If you do it the right way, you will have the best children you can imagine.
If you are a parent, do this. Sit down and think things over. Not only about what I have said here, but also how you are treating your children. The most important thought should be: "Would I like to be treated, like I treat my children?" The children's feelings are the same as yours. Would you like it if nobody is listening to you? If you think "I don't mind", you are not honest. If you think "No", change your behavior. Ask your children how their day was and listen. That is what a good parent should do.
I have a free parenting course on this site with very important basic info.