you are wrong
Being a nice family
Dealing with problems
Enjoy the moment
Get rid of insecurity
Goal in life
How we develop (08-21-17)
Influence from your parents
Influences on children
Learning new things
"Nobody cares about me"
Relation, who fits to who
Stop hurting females
What is respect
What is self esteem
What is your tension level
Why do children say why
Women need to talk
The most important thing for parenting, is the right approach. Believe me, you can make or break a child. I have no doubt about the good intension's of most parents. But still is goes wrong most of the time.
Yes, you can make a child stronger. Top priority is respect. Respect means listening to a child. It means asking what he or she wants or feels.
Treat a child like you would be treated.
Parenting is preparing them for their adulthood. That is what raising children is about. It is not for finding the easiest way for yourself, or by letting them figure out everything themselves. Or the opposite, drilling them until their free spirits are broken. Yes, you can dot this. But this is wrong. Very wrong.
Parents are teachers. Your job is to make them grow, to get them independent. To learn how to become socialized. To let them believe in themselves. If you do it the right way, these things are possible. If you do it the wrong way, you get the opposite.
Most of the time do not take your parents as an example. Very often things went wrong there, because most parents don't realize what they are doing. This is not on purpose, but because of a lack of the right information and not realizing the situation of a child.
If things were not perfect during your childhood, don't make the same mistakes. There are many (better) ways to raise a child. Use the good things and improve the rest. If you have been neglected too much, don't do this to your children. They will suffer the same.
Some parents think "because I have had a terrible childhood, I am going to do the opposite." Instead of no freedom at all, the children can do whatever they want. This is also wrong. Don't do it your parents way. Don't do the opposite. But do it the right way.
This info can help you with that. As said before, you are preparing them for life / society. Growing up is a learning process. A baby knows almost nothing and needs to learn everything. A toddler doesn't know it is dangerous to cross a street. Until it understands this, it has to be forbidden to cross the street.
The very young ones should have rules. It is just a matter of allowing and disallowing. And you have to be strict on that. Even the very young ones know if parents cannot control them. If you do not control them, they take over. No is no. Also for the tenth time.
But after two attempts, you should show some irritation. No is no. It doesn't have to be the hard way. You don't need violence. Violence starts when you have lost control or when your trying to break their free spirits (make slaves of them).
As soon as children are getting older, you can explain things. And you should. Good parents explain why things can or cannot be done. It is not always possible, but very often you can. Convert it to yourself. Would you like it, if your boss forbid you things without further explanation? Probably not. Well, children have the same kind of feelings. They are small adults.
This is the controlling part. But there is more. And that is the children's point of view. Every child has the urge for growing. It wants to know, it wants to learn, it want to do things. Do not suppress this !!! Yes , you can do this if do this for many years intensely. You can brake a child's free spirit.
You can make "easy" children who have no intention of growing / wanting to know anymore. They don't think for themselves, because this has been damaged. They will never be leaders, managers or entrepreneurs. Because this requires thinking and making decisions. But it is gone. Submissive children (this happens with the wrong parents) will be good employees. It can be recovered, but it won't be easy.
So, explain to your children if they can handle it. Children understand more as you think. If in doubt, give it a try. Does your eight year old know when and how to dial the emergency phone number? They should. Teach them and tell them why. Do they know they cannot go with strangers. You could explain this (up to a certain level). It makes children stronger and less vulnerable.
Give them an alarm and tell them they have to get up by themselves from now on. Explain how an alarm works and see if they can handle it. If you give children responsibility (if they have the age), you are saying "I have faith in you."
This a boost for their self esteem. I think a six year old could get up by its own using an alarm. Or "you can stay up half an hour longer, but you have to go to bed without we saying it. If not, we are going back to the old system."
Sounds simple, but many parents fail on this. They are the same as you; they want to be heart and get things of their minds. Telling them what to do and explaining what you think, is not the same as talking and listening to your children.
If you ask what they want when they grow up, you have the foundation of a real conversation with your child. Children have a lot on their mind (including problems) and they should vent this to parents. Even if it is not important to you, probably it is very important to your children. Respect that, by listening.
You should know what goes on in their minds (do not laugh at them or tell their secrets to others). I can assure you, if your child has serious problems and your listening skills are not good, they won't reveal that either, because you are not there.
A child wants to talk to parents because they are the most important persons in its life. If it doesn't talk, the parents are doing something wrong. Parents are good at talking, but very often not good at listening. Put yourself in their position. Would you like it if others are not listening to you and treating you as a lesser person. Because this is how it feels.
I can assure you, if you listen and talk to your children, you will see them change. This will happen:
Most tensions will disappear. Just by listening. The home feeling gets stronger. They feel respect, so they feel stronger. This is the same for girls and boys.