Improving Yourself


What is respect


Not respecting others, is the biggest problem in social communication. If you do not respect someone, you create tension. Good communication on a higher level is not possible because of this.

The weird thing is, everybody wants to be respected. But somehow many do not realize others would like to be respected to.

Respect means taking the other person serious as a person. You don't have to agree or like him or her. You can even dislike one. This is men versus women and vice versa. Adult versus child. And between different races. And towards the ones who have different believes.

What to respect.

You should respect the person. You can be against something he (or she, not repeating that anymore) is standing for or doing. But not against the person itself. See a person and behavior as two different things.

Maybe your neighbor is the opposite of you and you are always disagreeing. But as long as he is not crossing social borders (violence for instance), you can greet him friendly if you meet him. Respect he is different. Not everybody has to be the same as you.

He will probably never be your friend, because you will never agree on each other. But you can still respect him as human being. That is why he is never an a.h. but he is thinking different. As soon as someone gets personal, like calling names, the conversation starts loosing mutual respect. If one starts with this, the other will follow probably. Then tension levels will rise. Fighting, wars and feuds can be the results.

Try to stay respectful.

Try to keep respect towards the ones who are not respectful to you. I know, not always easy. If you counter attack, it only gets worse. If you keep your respect, but staying strong and counter with non personal responses, he could change.

Some try to put you down in front of others, so they can look good. With calling names or getting personal back, you are creating a new enemy. If you counter the right way, you can solve the situation. Stand up straight, look him in the eyes in front of everybody and say in a calm way something like: "Have I done anything wrong to you? You can tell me."

You have to send the message he cannot suppress you. He will back off as soon as he realizes he cannot put you down. If you stay friendly, but not submissive, there is even a change the attacker is going to respect you.

Getting respect.

Very often if you respect someone, you will get it back. Most, if not all, want to be respected. But most are afraid to start with respecting others. Most are in a defensive role out of insecurity. Because being open minded and honest, means the change of being hurt or attacked. As soon as one feels respect, he opens up slowly and feels save enough to give respect back. (Treating you as a nice person.)

How to respect someone.

Respect means for instance listening to someone. If you interrupt someone all the time, it means you do not care what that person is saying. In other words, you do not respect him. But I have to say, some can talk almost indefinitely and then you have to interrupt.

What disrespect does.

As long as you respect someone (in despite of what one thinks or has done), you have a connection with that person and things can be improved. As soon as you leave the respect approach (getting personal), proper communication gets worse. He feels attacked, starts defending himself and starts to counter attack. "I am what? Well, you are……"

This is for the stronger personalities. If the other person has low self esteem (most of the time a female thing), the self esteem drops to lower levels. Because she (in most cases) gets another confirmation of their worthlessness. If you want to respect others, you don't do that. It is low to disrespect and insecure person.

Don't make it worse.

Communicating with lack of respect doesn't solve anything. You only worsen the situation. Or its starts getting aggressive, or you are hurting someone very deeply. There is a big difference between "You are stupid" and "That was a stupid thing to do." The first one is personal, the other one is criticizing what the other has done.

You could also try to soften the criticism, by saying "that was not very clever" instead of "that was a stupid thing to do." If someone has regrets for what one has done, use the soft approach. If one has no regrets, use the harder version. But never the disrespectful approach. It doesn't solve anything. It only makes it worse.

Respect children to.

This also applies towards (your) children. A child is not stupid. If you say this very often, a child starts believing this. As little as a child is, you should always respect it. If you don't respect a child, you will damage it. But respect is not the same as giving children full freedom. With this they never learn to respect others, because they will only think about themselves.

I can assure you, if you start respecting others (more), you will get it back and they are going to see as a nice person.

Behavior can be judged.

Most person are good and decent human beings. But during growing up, things are going wrong. No, I am not saying because of things went wrong, we have to accept inappropriate behavior. The ones who are sitting in jail, belong there, because they did something wrong.

So they need to be punished for that and we need to be protected from it. But I have to say, for the extreme violators, like child abusers, I cannot have any respect. Some should be locked up forever. The major abusers have no respect at all for anybody. Probably they will never understand the word respect.

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