you are wrong
Being a nice family
Dealing with problems
Enjoy the moment
Get rid of insecurity
Goal in life
How we develop (08-21-17)
Influence from your parents
Influences on children
Learning new things
"Nobody cares about me"
Relation, who fits to who
Stop hurting females
What is respect
What is self esteem
What is your tension level
Why do children say why
Women need to talk
If you are young of age, like a teenager or younger, you are looking for things to believe in. I know I have been there. I am not going to tell you how you should be, or be like X. It is your life and you should fill it in as you want.
Everybody is unique and everybody can have it's own kind of life. That is why I am not going to give to you a road map for your life. I only want to give you some things to think about.
Many young people have an attitude of resisting parents and other adults. I understand that. You want to do it your way and not someone else's approach of life. And you probably don't like their pressure on you.
Most parents want the best for their children, but many parents do not understand how to guide their children. So don't be too hard on them. They are trying, but they are not trained for this. Very often they teach what they have been taught. If you think your parents could use some help, point them to this site. But not by telling them they need help, because probably they do not accept this. They want to stand above you. Ask them their opinion of this site. Ask them if I am right or wrong to get them interested.
Parents think by controlling them and telling the children how to live their life's, they prevent them them from harm. Parents don't want their children to be hurt. And because parents are more aware of the dangers of life, they can be overprotective (according to children).
Teens don't see the danger in going out at very late hours. They don't realize it is not a nice world out there sometimes. It is a naivety. Until nothing bad has happened, children and teens think it won't happen to them. And the later it gets in the evening, the more unwanted things can happen.
This is the main reason why good parents don't like it when teens go out late. They don't mind if their children having fun. But parents don't want the wrong stuff happening to their children. That is why they are parents.
Your parents probably also had to find a way to live their life's and they now think their way is the right and best option. So they try to model you as they are. But you are not made of clay.
That is where the tension starts. Parents want you to be safe, but some parents go beyond that and want to control your life. They think you are not capable of living your own life. For a part it is true, because your life experience is limited.
Please don't think you know it all, because you don't. In this area, most family tension starts. Which time you should be home can be decided by parents. But not which sport you should like doing or supporting. Yes, I know, dad wants his son to support his preference. But he shouldn't put pressure on it.
This is what can happen. It could be your situation (one day), or maybe you have been there:
Because many parents are putting a lot of pressure on children to become like them and because children want to find their own way, unwanted effects start happening. It starts with heavy arguing between children and parents. If it stays that way and the child gets older, the child starts avoiding being at home.
Children / teens do not want that, because they prefer being at home in a nice environment. But if that is not possible, they start looking at other places.
Friends are a good source. This doesn't have to be bad. But it can be, if they are the wrong friends. With wrong friends is goes slowly downhill. It starts with alcohol, soft drugs and it can end up in getting drunk often, addicted to drugs, aggression, vandalism, jail time, dropping out of school and other unwanted directions in life.
If you are in the situation of not liking being at home, you can be on the edge of going down. If you feel comfortable with friends, because they do accept you as you are, be alert on not going downhill. Yes, this is an option. Watch the news.
Most young adults have a positive attitude to life, so friends doesn't have to be a bad things. In other words, nothing wrong with friends, but you do not want the wrong friends in your life. Because you don't want to loose your "friends", you start crossing bothers you don't want.
If all your "friends" start using drugs, they will put pressure on you, so you fit in / belong to them. If you don't give in, you probably will not be accepted by your "friends." If you give in, it will be your first step down to the basement.
After this, the usage will go up. And one day you need money you don't have for the drugs, etc. It slowly goes down. If you think this is freedom, you are very wrong. Yes, the pressure of the parents is gone, but your are degrading yourself.
You have to fight negative influence on your life. Every time someone tries to let you do things against your consciousness, you have to put your foot down and say no.
So not "It doesn't hurt to give it a try." Not even a try. No is no. Keep your dignity. I know there is also the force of doing things because your parents don't want you to do it. But you have to be stronger as that.
Maybe you don't realize it, but these "friends" also start controlling your life. They put pressure on you to do the things you don't want. The difference is, parents tell you to do or not to do things, and "friends" persuade you to listen to them so you fit in.
The reason you give in, is because you don't want to loose your "friends." Maybe they are all you have. Real friends don't persuade you to do things you don't want.
If your "friends" do not like you anymore because you are not "like them", the "friendship" will probably be over. So be it. Better no friends then the wrong friends. It is not your parents and not your friends life. It is your life. I know there are good friends around.
I was never forbidden to smoke cigarettes. (Because of that) I never had the desire to smoke. At school they offered me a cigarette once in a while. I always said no. I said no, because I didn't want it. It is my life. I decide want I want.
You have to go up in life, not down. Start using drugs, is going down. It looks tough, but it is not. It is weakness.
You can't handle life and you are giving in to pressure by others. If you want to keep your strength and inner values, say no to wrong influences. It won't bring you any further, but you are not going downhill.
Imagine yourself standing in front of a long staircase going down. Going down is easy, you only have to be weak. As long as you are not going down, you keep the option open for finding a stair going up. In the basement is no stair for higher levels. You first have to go back to ground level. Prevent this, by not going down.
You can't be proud at yourself if you start using drugs, being picked up for drunk driving or bullying others. You can be proud at yourself if you resist drugs, if you said no to pressure on starting to smoke. Your strength decides if you go up or down.
I am not against having fun in live. It is the opposite. You should get the most out of it. But stay away from the wrong "fun." I give you an example. The next link goes to a father and daughter playing music. The girl in this video is eighteen years old. She has archived something and she is having fun. If she can do it, others also could. Both are amazing by the way. Enjoy and learn.
Many young people do not like older music or other genres as pop. Very often it is because your parents and other "oldies" like it. It is something like "because the older generation likes it, it can't be good."
Maybe you start thinking I like opera and classical music. Well I don't. Most of the time I don't like what I hear. In the beginning I didn't like anything of "that old stuff" and it was also being a bit of a rebellion.
But now I have grown, it is different. I still dislike most opera and classical music because it irritates me. Not because I am against it, but because it is not pleasant to hear. Most classical music has no soul, no rhythm or melody. It is just a bunch of boring notes.
And most opera hurts my ears. I am a music lover, but there is no way I can like most classic and opera music. I have tried it many times. I really don't feel it. But there is some good classical music and opera.
Another reason why teens don't like older and other genres of music, is because other teens don't like it. Today's music "belongs" to today's teens. It is a part of their status, way of living, resistance to other generations.
There is no open mind to music from different age groups or other genres, because of being afraid of not being accepted by friends anymore. If a teen says to its friends it likes old jazz, he or she will be laughed at and getting the first mark of "weird."
To avoid this, one doesn't say it, or even avoids other kinds of music. Very often a teens identity is created by fitting into the same age group. This is not uncommon: "Please don't say you like old time jazz anymore, otherwise I can't hang out with you." This is "friends" related pressure. He is thinking if he keeps acting so "weird", they start thinking I am weird also.
Thinking only the music from today or from my days is good, is not what your approach of music should be. Be open to music.
Your choice shouldn't be is this the music that belongs to my age, but do I like it or not. That is the only rule for music. If you are only open minded to music of your age, you are limiting yourself. There is much more.
And you are not going to like "adult" music if you grow older. It doesn't work like that. Usually your favorite music is the music you grew up with forever and the rest is "garbage".
I know, I am going to step on a lot of toes. Today's music isn't very good. I rarely hear music I like. Until the end of the seventies, the music industry was mainly influenced by the quality of the music. I know, it was also money for a part. But the music ruled.
After that, the money slowly became first. Instead of "this is good music" it became "this can be profitable." That is the rule today. Quality is not important anymore. Profit is the only rule.
A good song with no profit potential, will not be published. For this, you need the independent music section. Today's music industry is not ruled by musicians of music lovers anymore, but by managers and other money makers.
Yes, you accuse me of being old fashioned. But I am not. I like music before my teen period, after my teen period and have found good music from classical to hard rock. I have heard very good songs from Adele.
I once read a comment on YouTube for some older music (can't remember which one), saying something like: "I am die hard hard rock fan and 14 years old. But I have to say, I really like this music." That is open minded to music. Really good music (not very common), touches you somehow. It can be from classical to hard rock.
Many people are have problems liking music outside their comfort zone. "I do not like this because I like the seventies." Or "I do not like this, because that is for old people." Or "The only good music is opera." Wrong.
It should be: "I do not like this, because it sounds terrible." Or the opposite: "It is not my kind of music, but this is really good."
I am completely open minded to music. There is good music in classical, pop, jazz, opera, blues, easy listening and other genres. It is always "do I feel something with this music."
You probably do not know what you want in life. I cannot tell you that, you have to figure that out yourself. I don't want you to become like me. I want you to be you.
But I can give you some basic guidelines. Consider it as a foundation; not a building.
You have to be the architect of your life. If you are looking for things to believe in, keep listening to yourself. If you really like something, it is probably good.
If something doesn't feel right, probably there is something wrong. If you and your friends are vandalizing, it can make you feel tough (at the moment), but there will be a voice deep inside you saying this is not right.
Regrets will start popping up one day. Saying you did something wrong. Don't ignore this voice. It tries to keep you on track above the ground.